~Hime~ to Sora(or Grell =_=)

I read my friend's blog, titled "A message to My Sister"... it was very touching and personal.

whatever she said was true... and i felt the pain, coz i am, like her, the first born child... i feel the same like her.

Its harder to be the eldest. coz, as the eldest.. whatever u do, counts.
and mostly, watever u do... is wrong.

i, too, wish there were an elder than me to show me, guide me and help me. In the end, the hard truth digs in... i do not have any. talk bout Wishes that can't be true.

I treaded the rough and windy road, rocky and thorny path, got lost in the ocean of choices and drowned in own greed.... to pick myself up all again... just to survive in this cruel and twisted society!

I can understand how she felt for her younger sister... i have a sister too... and i really wish she wouldn't walk my path.. but she already did.

=_=

so my sister will feel the pain i gone through, walk the path i walked... and suffer... and somehow... LEARN. (hopefully) like i did. thank god we don't have another younger sis.. or it would be passed down.. ugh.

i feel like a loser all the time. i feel i am showing bad examples to my sister.. but how am i to shut my own needs? just to show a good example? i don't know why, but i just can't... give up what i want.

i am so sorry gwen, for the wrong doings i did... please, just please... don't follow my wrongs.. take my advice, and lead to a better life. you deserve better than this life u are having now.

u deserve to be free and not controlled. please, don't give up ur education for a bf.. like i did! and i have to carry this regret for my entire life.. i could've gotten to a better college, and it was a scholarship, GWEN! SCHOLARSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i should've ignored what HE said and went on to a better college in KL... I SHOULD'VE! but i did not................ and i really really REGRET...


and i will regret...for my entire life.

please, don't ignore the chance of getting a good education just coz ur bf tell u its too far..

we are lucky, gwen. we are born with only 3 years of difference, and we could connect and understand each other, and we could rely on each other... unlike my friend, whose sister is too young to understand anything.

count the blessings God has showered on us... we are truly lucky.. to have the best mom on earth..

gwen, you know? no matter wat, i will alwiz have a soft spot for you?

but please dont pandai pandai use me ok! =_=

hime's woes~

what to type wat to type?

i recently went to genting... kinda went there for a short vacation... which turned into a trip from nightmare!

first it was all good and fun... then came the horror, my bf is sick! then the situation got worse.

i had to sacrifice my urge to play the outdoor games.. to accompany him and taking care of him, practically...

then it got bad when so many misunderstandings we had! it was hard on me, and in the end i was forced to break up with him... somehow..

my heart wouldn't allow it... and i feel i should at least give him and myself some cool down time, as if we were to talk then it wouln't be a pretty sight.

i kinda ignored him for 2 days, giving him limited info on my whereabouts, and replying his smses only briefly (or in his view, heartless)... and soon, i decided to pack all my belongings back to my home.

i went there and thought that he would be alone, so its a great chance to talk. but... he was there with a friend, complaining about lotsa stuff bout me.

so i was awful pissed and just kept quiet and packed my stuff. i even bought him dinner, coz i knew he would be hungry by then. (see, i still love him!)

then in the end, i told him this could be over, he changed his mind suddenly and said.. lets try being "US" again...

i doubted myself that i could forget him anyway, and so i said okay, if it means u would change and try to understand me better. but i would make my decisions on my own.. he agreed.

hence, our rocky relationship is back to how it was, but one tiny difference. he would be more understanding towards me.. and it was nice seeing him so soft on me.

i really love this guy, more than any of my previous boyfriend. coz this guy treats me right.. just coz of misunderstandings in between... we were forced to almost-breakup. haih.

there's the cultural and religious difference in relationship for u. harder to compromise and even harder to understand.

i would give this another try. i hope i wont regret....

hime rants on... as usual!

I wonder why i am in this situation. i don't think i am in love...

its more like... a LOVE+ HATE relationship with my bf now.

i kinda argue with him everyday. most things he says hurts to the bones in my body...
i am not allowed to say many things that i wanted to voice out.

for example,

shut up. just shut up already.
fuck you. you think u're such a genius?
damn, do you need to act like u know everything?
is everything i say such a bother to u that u need to screw me up like as though i am the almighty WRONG?!

kinda pissed with him almost everyday.

but i let it pass by me by ranting only on twitter, which updates my facebook status.. which means maybe the whole world knows by now.

but like who cares anyway.

hime complains!

lotsa stuff happened lately. first, i got accepted into the free programme i wanted to go. but i got into a massive accident 3 days before leaving for KL.

this gave me goosebumps. brr. >.<

i wanted to go study... at least i would able to achieve some thing or rather. even though its just a programme... at least... i get a job via contract!

the injury i got from the accident were mere scratches here and there and big bumps and bruises. compared to the "injury" my bike has taken.... i should be considered dead or broken a limb or two by now.

everyone that saw the condition of my bike says the rider should be injured badly. but they were shocked to see me alive, well and broken limb-free... LOL!

bike shop uncle: wahhh i see ur bike... i think u KO ade lo! then i think, no blood on road... should be break leg break hand! (this is direct translation of hokkien....)

me: yes lo.. my bike damn rosak teruk....

bike shop uncle: YES LA! see the front rim become number 8 liao, see the picture with the car u hit also so chialat( meaning damn teruk_ =_=) i thought u really hurt bad! then now see u ok only! u lucky lo! damn HENG! (means lucky)

me: ya.... i am...

=_= was thinking sometimes i should just "go" there. =_= really negative of me, i know. haha!

i had a nightmare. that i am going to KL by bus and the bus flipped and overturned coz of an exploded tire! T_T i really was scared, coz i see myself all covered in blood and without a hand! T_T

seriously eerie and freaky.

now i am stuck here in boring bm. playing games to pass time and days and weeks and months....

without a proper job nor a goal for my future. i guess i gonna be a boring desperate housewife after all.

*thinking wat to do.*

NOOOOOO!!! i protest this sentance! T_T coz i really wanna be somebody my mother can be proud of......................................................

*still thinking wat to do.*

2mrw, ops 2day! 16th dec... is my mom's 46th birthday. so i gonna take her out for dinner.. hopefully.

with neither money nor money............ (money is damn important for this occasion!). =_= think i gotta ask for help.

so. who's gonna help me?

hime is angry!

i damn fucking hate my bf's brother. fucker likes to complain shyt. and he likes to comment alot on how people should live in so called "his" house.

fuck u man, i never once touched ur fucking food, or eggs, or drinks or anything! cibai u still got the nerve to complain like as though this is ur house when u fully know its ur father's!

the damn asshole asked me to clean up his house coz its so messy. why is it messy? LET ME TELL YOU!

the cd racks are always messy, coz u are the one who watches DVDs and VCDs and not put them in order or nicely! u just chuck it on top of the freakin TV!

the toys are always scattered due to ur KIDS! they are the ones who don't learn to pick up after playin! call urself a good dad? YOU BEAT UR KIDS LIKE AS THOUGH THEY ARE PUNCH BAGS ASSHOLE! i hear them cry ALL THE TIME! and its fuckin annoying that YOU ARE YELLING SHYT TOO! ~d!$&*()@#*curses* i should record the way u whack them and send them to the welfare department. see how u would be punished u damn SICKO!

the WHOLE sofa is OCCUPIED by ur new JEANS in stacks that you wanna sell in pasar pagi or pasar malam!

clean ur house? CLEAN YOUR HOUSE? YOU THINK WAT!

CHAO MAHAI CHAO LANCIAO CHAO CIBAI!

i am ur WIFE ar? FUCKER! i am nOT even RELATED to u! fuck YOU!

complain much? GO SUCK UR OWN COCK!

damn you asshole freako. i hate you.

Hime admits!

i am recently addicted to twitter. and also cabal online.

=_= yep i knw wat u gonna say. GAME FREAK! or as ryan higa said.. tweet whore =_+

its not my fault!~!!!! its tat lil box of 140 words tat gets to me! i just need to share some nonsense with the world!! LOL << this is giving myself stupid excuses.

i kinda update like a siao lang on frequent rants.. and duno how i got twitter linked to my facebook status. so there i am.. twittering like mad at twitter.com, and the status update in my facebook bings up like crazy! haha. i didn't realised until i opened my facebook and clicked on my profile.

and there i was, looking at a row of tweets. hahaha! some friends even commented! it was cool.
so i think i'd just leave it like tat. hehe.

happy that my lao gong is safe beside me, and i only have a few days to KL.... sad sad!

hime's randomness!

my mind is completely blank. i want so many things that i was forced to block it off my mind before i cry in desperation to my mother.

i feel so.... troubled all the time. my sister depends on me so much but i just can't be there even if i wanted to.

i feel so lost sometimes i am going crazy.
i just wonder why am i feeling so lousy when everything seems find and nice actually?!

wat the hell. i am doing something i told myself that i shouldn't do.

kinda hooked to twitter. LOL!

hime is!!

JEALOUS!!!!!!!!

T_T

i cant take good photos. even if i do, i would look like a malay, indon, bangla, siamese, vietnamese... whatever.... i will never look pretty.

ugh. why why why why why!

i kinda like taking pictures of myself but i never dared to post it without thinking twice! coz i might not look like myself and i might not look like what i wanted it to look like!!! T_T

i am damn jealous of my sister. she takes good photos with half the effort. she doesn't even need to photoshop anything. she doesn't need the editing. T_T

*cries* i really wanna be at least a bit photogenic. damn those accumulated fats!

i think i am going to be thinner once i stay in kl. coz the lack of penang food there.... haha!
half-heartedly willing to go kl actually. but this is for my future. i wanna gain something in life. so this is the journey i have to take.

i am typing this super fast coz i am suppose to be somewhere now. and i came all the way home to bathe and smoke (must cut down) and tweet and blog. *laughs*

wish... i could look good. for once.

Hime GONE

MAD!

not as in psycho mad but mad... MAD!!!!!! ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!! geddit....

i really dun like some peeps that just just JUST RUINS MY DAY!

i understand i gotta be responsible and all but i do keep promises.

i said i'll pay... MEANING I WILL PAY!!!!!!!!!!!

please, for the love of God, and yourself, be patient and come meet me when i said i am free.

WHEN I AM NOT FREE, WHY ARE U CALLING ME!

ass. i really wanna enjoy the movie with my beloved lao gong.

butttt nO! my phone keeps ringing and ringing and ringing!

i really wanted to throw the phone at the couple that keep on kicking on my chair. assholes and bitches.

i already asked nicely to stop kicking the chair... but noooo........! he still does it! wonder why!

damn. stomach cramps. and stomach ache.

*dashes to the loo*

ok i am back. the thing is, i really really feel upset.ugh. maybe the period is making me go haywire. i really want to apologize to some people.

sorry james and ronald. our friendship wil be different from now on.

never will i seek for ur help ever again.

you know...

the more i see this anime called "lucky star" yea, type tat in the youtube search tab! the more i am into this anime!~~~

ITS SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love the blue haired shorty called Izumi, she's sooo into gaming and anime. haha!

totally random post.

looking forward for my ang pao(s)......... i m gonna be 21 soon. =_=