hime's dream....

I dreamt of my dad last night.
and it hurts coz when i wake up, the dream was so real i thought god has given my dad back to me.
i only opened my eyes to the blazing sunlight that pierced my eyes... and reality hit me.

**the dream**
I was running around everywhere, hoping, searching, panting... to see my father.
i only managed to scream "WHERE's MY DADDY?! where is HE?!" to my aunty and uncles that gathered at some place i am not famillar with. One of my uncle asked me to calm down and pointed me to a door. I stared at the door for a moment. Is he really in there??? i asked myself.. but i pushed open the door anyway..

and there he was! my dad! he was trying to calm a crying baby.. and the baby was lying down, struggling hard with the tears and snorts that was building up coz of the crying.... my dad looks at me and called out my name.. "NICKY! oh good.. help me, pls..." and pointed at the crying baby...

i got to admit, i walked rather slow to the cradle. i was staring at my dad the whole time. i couldn't believe my eyes, coz as i know, my daddy... had passed away... how can he be here in the flesh talking to me like nothing happened???

i smiled at him at last when i was just inches away from him. then the crying pierced my ears and i jumped. for a second there, i looked at the baby and thought the baby was ME! LOL
i carried the baby, rubbed her back, placed her at a corner( to let her sit up and lean at the corner).. and the baby stopped crying almost immediately!!!

daddy placed his hands on my shoulder and whispered... "Pretty, isn't she?" and i looked at him with a blur face. i was confused. "your little sister... she is so pretty.." and i instantly realised the baby looked like gwen.

my dad hugged me by the side and said "wow how big u've grown. havent seen you in a while, nicky girl.."
and unknowingly, my tears were running down my cheeks. i was wondering, where had daddy gone when he said 'havent seen me in a while'? what does he mean??

and then poof i was somewhere else. the place is too beautiful to describe. i cant imagine a place like that on earth! it must be heaven then, because the place was so bright, so windy, so calming, so happy!
there were tall trees, beautiful flowers... and the clouds seem to sing a happy tune.... gosh, the place is just breathtaking!!!

then my daddy was there, smiling again at me so sweetly. "i am so happy to see you like this. u seem happy now rather than before..."

i couldn't manage an answer coz i was so confused.
"how's gwen? i hope she is doing fine on her own.. she needs to study well to succeed."
all i could say was "uh huh.." =_=

"what are u going to do with ur life? u seem out of reach of yourself recently. something troubling you?"
and all i did was start crying.
my daddy came over and hugged me, i, sobbing in his arms started to rant on all the horrible feelings i got from all the negative things around me.
i said alot of selfish stuff, really. haha..

and i can hear him giggle and laugh at everything i've said.
i was getting annoyed at how this amused my dad. so i sulked like a child.
he wiped my tears dry and asked me to relax. "i'm always watching you and gwen.. whats to worry?"

"according to what you blab to me just now, i guess gwen had learned her lesson in trusting the wrong type of guys correct? why do you need to feel so down for? you did a great job as an elder sister. i am proud of you."

"really???? but why am i not proud of myself, daddy? why cant i hah?" i can feel the tears running down again.

"things will come your way.do whatever that makes u happy for now la. u will know when the time has come."

"mummy said the same thing." =_= (i am literally doing this face to dad.)
my dad laughed at my face.

"gwen feels the same way too, i know. the further u two are apart,the worse u two feel right.. do u two know this? u two are like twins. u two cant separate for long.." and daddy continued to laugh.

=___________________________________=

"but.... we are not born twins la daddy......................"

and daddy just laugh and laugh..

"tell mummy i miss her alot.and gwen is still a baby in my eyes."

"wat...?? then me leh? still baby ah?"

"no, u are a grown girl. who is not satisfied with her life! when u should be!"
and daddy gave me a grin... i've never seen him like that.

"oh, how i wish i got more time with gwen and you. at least i see gwen grow in your eyes."

i started to cry again when i hear those words. the truth is very hurtful. its true then, that daddy has gone.

**********************************

i didn't want to wake up. the piercing light appeared just as daddy was leaving. and i woke up.